if anyone has ever met my dad they know that he does not hold back and he says it like it is… must be where i get it from. i love my daddy for many reasons but i love that his relationships are built on honestly even if it is brutal honesty.
the friends that i have and are really close to have all seen my true colours and most have been on the receiving side of my brutal honesty and look we are still friends and better ones at that. with that being said i did NOT put my family on blast on Facebook… those on the outside reading what i wrote agree with me… i was just stating that sometimes i feel left out or not important… and i have to right to voice that. the saying out of sight out of mind should not include people in my opinion and i felt that way by SOME of my family. SOME SOME SOME! do you get the important word in that sentence if not its SOME.
I just feel that the holidays have really turned into lets just swap money and get it over with. I'm sorry i won't do it! i feel putting thought into things is more important.
with that being said I'm not ungrateful and at!! i appreciate that my boys are thought of and that they do get "gifts" from the family picked out by me they don't understand it anyway yet. i was just simply saying that i miss the way it used to be and i wish it could be that way for my children… i never said that it was going to be that way again. we have all moved and i understand its not the same and it won't be but that dose not mean i can't hope.
so cell phones are not part of the day anymore GOOD… but that does not change the attitude of not longing to be there. theres still the missed excitement. i don't know how to put it with out people feeling I'm putting them on blast…. I'm not and if you feel that way then I'm sorry your misunderstanding what I'm saying. all I'm saying is time has changed and it saddens me. times have changed EVERYWHERE not just in the house of my own family… but thats the one thing i have to compare it to.
all i was worried about this year was gosh i don't have the money to send gifts home this year and i don't have the money to make a big celebration out of it… then i realise that should not matter. i was just saying that it didn't used to be about swapping money or watching the clock… it used to be about hugs and love and i feel that as a human race we have lost that. i don't like getting gifts on Christmas HONESTLY i love giving and so i was sad i was not able to do so… i feel as tho i let people down and they think I'm not thinking of them, i then had to realise that me giving or receiving has nothing to do with it and thats what made me think about what once was and what now is.
i was not saying anything i said to hurt anyone or upset anyone i was saying that i feel the world including my family has lost the meaning of christmas. i miss playing games with family and chit chatting over dinner… i miss the closeness… even before people moved away it changed and its at no fault of anyones it just is what it is. and i still stand by everything i said. i don't even know where to go from here. honestly i wish i was home with my daddy just being and enjoying the day to reflect… no pressure! he's one lucky man!
i was saying that after not being there for so long that everyone including MYSELF took it for granted and after not being able to be there i wish i was able to. thats it! i just feel that when things you grow so used to are not there anymore you realise how much it meant to you… even if it was the "cool" thing to do to sit and watch the clock… if i can't be who i am with family then who can i be myself with. if i feel the joy and the wow factor of the holiday has slipped a bit then i should have every right to share that.
it was not a my family sucks blog it was a i wish they saw what i saw looking in… it was a i wish they understood that maybe someday it won't be an option anymore… and not take it as a chore but to step out of the comfort of todays views and truly get to know each other.
il say it again I'm sorry i suck at anything to do with expressing my emotions… we all know english was my worst subject as I'm sure can be told by the perfect spelling and grammar in all my blogs… but it was truly a i wish i had what you have and i wish you could see that it could be so much better.. not a my family sucks i need a new one…. take it how you want
want to talk to ME about it my phone is on!
i still love the ones i feel belittle me and lack respect for others i just want them to know that their actions hurt and obviously i have hurt some with my actions and again that was NOT my intension. I'm learning that my idea of respect which is the truth no matter how harsh is not the view that other people see as respect… i can't help what your opinion is of respect but i can say thats all this was written with in mind.
love and peace
it's hard. Being military & away from family def leaves you "out of sight, out of mind" & when you point that out the ppl who have let you slip their minds always get defensive. when all you want is to remind them that Hey, I'm still here! I still need to feel part of things. It's not my fault I am not there. Please, please, please remember me & try to connect w/ my kids!!" I get you girl. It's rough & there's no real easy answer. just let the upset pass & maybe get a mediator (family member or friend of the family who is able to pass on info w/o upsetting,) to explain where you are coming from & be open to hearing theirs. One thing therapy made me realize is to accept that no matter how it might seem to others, your truth is TRUE for you & the same goes for others. As unfair as it can seem, as the absent family member (in most cases it seems to me,) you have to be the one to make about 95% of the effort to stay connected. I have realized (been made to realize anyway,) that even if you don't see each other or talk much, doesn't mean you are loved less, just not as close. (But it still sucks a**) I love you & hope the hullabaloo dies down soon.
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