Thankfulness

I have been doing the count down to Thanksgiving on Facebook by posting what I'm thankful for everyday. I have not done the last few days, because to be honest I have had a hard time with it. Moving from Germany we took a big "pay cut" and then we have been dealing with a hotel that WAY over charged us on our stay. I am a cheapskate by nature and not having money in savings for the "just in cases" of life really bothers me. It always seams that "when it rains it pours." Its been storming so bad that I feel bad for the boys. I have even been thinking lately how selfish it is of Brett and I to bring yet another kid into this world when we are pinching pennies so bad.  I want better things and nicer things but I have to remind myself that I don't NEED them. 

I want a new couch that is actually comfortable to sit on and that has a hide away bed so that family can be comfortable when they come to visit. I am thankful I have a couch and a living room to put that couch in. I know that family that come to visit will just be thankful for a blow up air mattress to sleep on and Im thankful that I have family that want to see my boys and us. I want so bad to give my boys a better room and space to be their own, but I am thankful they have used beds to lay their heads on at night and I am thankful that they have a warm house to sleep in as well. 

We need to either get Jourdon a new bed or the baby a new crib and I've been stressing about it as well as getting me a breast pump, but I KNOW it will work out. The bed and/or crib can wait until Dylan grows out of the bassinet and by that time we will have gotten our tax return. 

I am still contacting this hotel on a daily basis and I just have to say I am thankful that God has given me a patient and "understanding" attitude, I get angry to my self and have posted some angry statuses but I will say I have been very good at keeping my composure with the owner. I just keep telling my self you never know, you don't know their side. "The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and plenteous in mercy" Psalms 103:8

I also cant help but look at my boys and be so thankful they are healthy and don't seam to be effected by the added stress of finances. They sure know how to read mom tho and Kaleb is such a sweet caring boy, he knows when I'm sad or worried and tries so hard to make it all better. Jourdon is just mommies little clown and keeps me on my toes and laughing. I am thankful that they get a long 89% of the time and are amazingly well behaved when we leave the house. I am so thankful that kaleb has this want and need to learn new things. I love that Jourdon is way more care free than I am or will ever be, he reminds me of Brett in so many ways. I am thankful that I am able to take them to church and they get a little bit of God in their life every week. I am thankful that they are both excited to be big brothers and cant wait for Dylan to get here. 

There are things that I pray for all the time and one is that Brett will too some day see God as real and not "something for the weak". With that being said I am thankful that he accepts me and my faith, I love that he is okay with me and the boys going to church and even asks the boys what they learned. He's not against it, he just dose not want to participate. I am thankful that he at least has an open mind, which is more then what he had 5.5 years ago, when we got married. 

I have SO MUCH to be thankful for and I need to stop thinking about the what ifs and look at whats right in-front of me. "Thanks be unto God for his unspeakable gifts" 2 Corinthians 9:15

is your heart in the right place?

             This post is brought to you by the book 'Bad Girls of the Bible' by Liz Curtis Higgs. Specifically the chapter on being generous for the right reason. It refers to the story in Acts 5. Basically its talking about being generous, but doing it to get the respect or acknowledgement of others. 

              I will say it does not flow... its random thoughts in random order so bare with me :)

              I will be the first to say that I am awful at tithing. I never seam to have cash on me, because we just use our debt card. I am that person that looks around thinking "gosh I hope no one notices the fact that I have just passed the plate the last 5 weeks".  When I do remember to bring money though I never feel that I care if people notice. 

              In the story it’s basically about how Ananias said he was telling people he gave more than he did. The sin is not keeping some for him self the sin was him not relying on God to provide, he held some of the money back "just in case" and he lied about it. He died on the spot after lying. "What made you think of doing such a thing? You have not lied to men but to God" Acts 5:4 

              I get it but I'm a cheap skate and I always like to have money "just in case" and trusting that the lord will provide is not hard UNLESS it has to do with finances (for me anyway). What if the tier blows and we have no savings? What if... I know God is there and provides, but HOW, how in the world can anything be done IN THE MOMENT right then and there.... well hum in the world (this world) that God created... wow I feel little

              When I do good I feel good and I like to share about it... dose that make the good doing not so good any more? kind of, if I’m doing good just to share with others what I have done and not WHY I have done it... what good am I really doing? 

               "Pride and generosity don't mix" some times when giving we expect something in return... I can honestly say that I don’t always expect something because I do get the point of giving. I don’t always need my name on what I have done... sometimes though its nice but I need to learn I don’t even need it sometimes. giving is fun if done with a giving heart and not a glorified one 

               "Learn to give when nobody's looking" I can do that and have I just need to do it more and not concern myself with what others are thinking about me and how my walk is effecting the choices I make when giving to others. My biggest issue is sometimes I don’t have anything to give, or at least that’s how I feel. But I have so much compared to some... I have a house and a loving family... giving does not need to be material items... I can ALWAYS give time... even with a family full of small needy children. 

             I guess I need to remind my self that even if I don’t have the money to give I have my time, my gifts and talents that the Lord has given me to share with others in his name. I also need to NOT ignore the feeling of needing to help others and just do it, and know that God will provide.