thinking out loud: no editing

Hum. again i was encouraged to write... i said i kind of like blogging, but don't know what about.... my encourager in all this, just told me write when I'm done don't edit don't delete anything just post.

they say things that are true and come from the heart are things we don't have to think about. we will see what my heart is wanting to say

On wednesday's i go to PWOC, which was REALLY moving this morning. we talked about fellowship and honestly I'm baptist so anything with fellowship and getting together involves food. well thats not all its intended to be. church is supposed to be your family... your brothers and sisters in Christ and i had that at Linden... i loved my church and miss them so much. here tho i have had a heard time "melting" in the way things are run here, but today felt good i felt moved i felt God, and it felt good. tears and joy were shared without judgement and it made this post feel like home for the first time in the 13 months we have been here.

people always ask what i pray for and i pray for my husband on a daily basis, not because he is deployed because that just happened 4 days ago but because he is a lost sinner. Me, I'm found and I'm forgiven and i accept that and trust that and love God, but Brett he's not, he thinks being a Christian is for the week and i would that after 2 deployments (and now on his 3rd) and having 2 kids he would see the miricals God does for him. So anyone reading this please pray for him.

another thing i pray about it having god help me put him first... its SO hard... i love my kids and my husband so much but its written that i have to love God more... I do i really honestly believe i do, i don't know how but i do. i am not perfect and i need help with this a lot. My boys are my world and i am not a nice mama bear when something happens to them, but God gave HIS baby boys life for me AND my boys. WOW! thats crazy... i couldn't tell me son to do that for ANYONE not even me. we all say we would lay down our life for our kids, would you? i would like to think i would... i know 100% if they need an organ and mine is in working order they can have it no matter what... i would HOPE i would block a bullet for them... but would i let people whip me and put a crown or thorns on my hear and nail me to a cross just to die? would i suffer that long for my children?? i honestly don't know... thats a lot! thank you Jesus for that love, i can't even comprehend it.

wow lots about church on my mind.

today was so beautiful, it was a little warm but there was a nice breeze and the clouds were coving the sun so it was just pleasant. took the boys to the park for a bit, went on a pretty long walk, got caught in the rain and loved it... it was like cool mist not even a sprinkle and the boys were just giggling <3 we defiantly made some memories to cherish tonight. My boys are zoo filled with love its too cute! we were at the park with some friends one of which has a 4 month baby girl, Jourdon my youngest (he's 16 months) gave her flowers, then kaleb, my oldest (he's 2.5 years) picked me some flowers.

Kaleb has just been sad and mopey since daddy left... not really eating, not sleeping well and clingy to me and I'm soaking it up... BUT Jourdon who has always been a mommies boy is NOT happy about it... he tried to pull kaleb off of me while cuddling today. ugh i wish i had more arms so this didn't happen.

well i have come to the end of my thoughts... so ill just hit the post button, hope you enjoy mis Joni! and good night moon (seeing as its 22:07 here)

Tara

im sick of POOP!

what is it about a bath that makes little boys poop!?!? id say i at least clean out the bath 4 times a week because someone pooped in it during their bath. its ALWAYS Jourdon. When Kaleb was that age he maybe pooped in the bath like 4 times total... Jourdon has easily reached 40 times and I'm tired of it! its nasty and i have disaffect everything and give the boys a song bath on the patio... what am i going to do if he is still doing this in the winter!

okay end rant thats all this was but geesh anyone else have an issue with kids pooping in the bath all the time!?!?!?


on a different subject i went to the gym today for the first time in like 10 days so that felt good and i got some of my pictures in the mail which = $$$ and we all know thats a good thing

4 more days and my mom will be here!  I'm uber excited just wish i could go back home with her!

Encouragement

first of all I'm SO confused by this blogger thing... they changed it so much from the last time i was on here I'm not sure I put the title of my blog in the right sport or the title of this post lol. anyway i was encouraged to start blogging again. My response was i am an awe full writer, to which they replied its not for anyone else but you. So here I am

My name is Tara and I'm Married to Brett an SPC in the united States military and we are currently stationed over seas in Germany. Well My husband left for his 3rd deployment on Saturday leaving me in a different country then my family with my 2.5 year old son Kaleb and my 15 month old Jourdon.

the first time that he deployed we were dating / engaged and and i had 3 jobs and school work to keep me busy... the second time by oldest was only 10 days old when he left and this time well you know cuz i already told you. anyway Kaleb is now old enough to know that daddy is not here and its hard to get him to understand that he won't be here in the morning either.

he has a daddy doll:

which he tells good night too and gives kisses to and even tries to feed him... its cute but hard to watch. its only been 2 days and i think Ive got this (or at least i tell my self that) 

that day (saturday) started off bad well because he left in the morning, then after the busses pulled away and i wiped away the tears my car decided to throw a fit and not turn on so i walked home. luckily i have good friends and they fixed it within the hour. 

today was okay i had a photo shoot (I'm a photographer) so that kept me busy and then i took some pics of my boys... haha writing this I'm thinking wow this has been a LONG day but it is midnight here... i get that (staying up late) from my dad! anyway after my shoot the boys and I came home ate lunch we ALL took a nap, because well you see i took my PM allergy meds this morning instead of my AM ones so i was having issues keeping my eyes open while editing pictures. then after nap i took some pics of them for daddy and family and then just hung out the rest of the day... i felt like staying in sweat pants. 

My mom is coming to visit on friday so the rest of the week will consist of cleaning so that her OCD self won't clean the whole time she's here and she can enjoy her grand babies and germany. 

well thats all i have to say about that. ill try to blog at least 3 times a week (cough cough JONI, you better keep your end of the deal here) Below ill post some pics that go with what i talked about:

Here is a pic from my shoot today: 

and here are the pictures of my boys i took today. the first one is Kaleb and the Second one is Jourdon:

Well thats all for now I'm going to TRY and get some sleep in my empty bed. Good night all!